2010/06/15

Useless and Ugly things

Today as i looked through my documents, i was able to do some purging and got rid of some credit card agreements and fineprints.  That’s quite a lot of paper.  Having been back in China for a while i hardly use these cards.  In an effort to reduce risks and cost, the banks cancelled my accounts one after another post the financial crisis. 

Forget that MBA talk that credit is the best money you can have.  i simply want less paper clutter which i never bothered to read but had to keep just in case.  it is the kind of history you can most comfortably part with.  it is the kind of memory you have no emotional attachment to.   in a sense it is best NOT to posess something and to have the freedom to move around and not worry you have left something behind.   No pocession.  No baggage.  No responsibiliy.  Carefree.  (Is that the excuse that i haven’t bought property in Shanghai, which is too expensive anyway?)

talking about “things”, why some people have this constant desire for expensive things that are utterly stupid.  i like nice things too but please at least have some individuality and character.  Lately in shanghai a couple of LV stores sprang up or got a big facelift. yesterday i passed by one on Huaihai Road, whose exterios is entirely a huge brown box, which is, though imaginative, very hedious, side to side with the enormous glitzy  Dior lit-up “art” installation on the street.  Such an blatant cry of materialism right in your face and so so ugly?  i don’t like my city to smell this much of money.

and this is one of the conundrum i never get --  why people want such ugly stuff as LV?  i’m thinking if LV is going to sell small packs of designer “processed” dogshit with a high price tag, you will see ladies and gentlemen walk around with it as an accessary to their keys, cell phones and bags.   Actually i think it is a good idea because shit is exactly LV’s signature shades of color hahaha. 

 

2010/06/11

我怀念的

now it is 12:20am, just back from 50 min of biking down along the meadow/lake.  they have turned off the street lights already so it was light reflected from the cloudy sky, dim, but still nice. tonight is still cool and breezy and i have music on and later kept playing 萧敬腾's 我怀念的 and 林宥嘉's 说谎,听得心潮澎湃,以至于有点超速,有几句心有戚戚焉。

the only other living creatures out there were two stray cats, a little startled by me. well, my sheep is sleeping on my bed upstairs. 

biking on a night like this is such a pleasure with some melancholy elements.  it is also great time to self-reflect.

 

我怀念的


作词:姚若龙
作曲:李偲菘
我问为什么 那个人传简讯给我
而你为什么 不解释低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我 不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你已不想挽回什么
想问为什么 我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么 却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着 把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕 真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受
我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起做梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手 最暖的胸口
谁记得
谁忘了

谁忘了
我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炙热
我怀念的是你很激动
求我原谅抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后 也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌 最美的烟火 最长的相拥
谁爱的太自由
谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心
谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走
谁忘了看着我
谁让爱变沉重
谁忘了要给你温柔

我放手
我让座
假洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得
太爱了 所以我
没有哭 没有说

2010/06/02

春宵一刻值千金

今天天气继续很棒,差不多已经一个多礼拜这样了,真是奢侈。

春宵一刻值千金(我是故意这样说的嘿嘿),晚上就出去骑车,不知不觉骑了2个多钟头。

路灯都没坏,地面很平整。经过草地和湖边,看到远处陆家嘴闪亮的高楼,这个安静的夜晚还真美。吹着风,骑着车,我胡思乱想。

有一块空地,我一遍遍地在那里兜圈子或画S形,自觉像马戏团骑自行车的猴子蛮好笑的,但我转上瘾了。那种状态可以称为Trance,就像我很喜欢过山车人翻过来速度减慢方向改变的瞬间,很神奇。

神奇的事有很多。昨晚在世博会瑞士馆,看了IMax的雪山景色,又坐了缆车,缆车上写着Matterhorn。这提醒了我2002年在瑞士过的暑假。那个夏天也是这么完美的天气,每个周末我都坐火车去不同的地方玩。有次去了Zermatt,穿着T Shirt 短裤上了Klein Matterhorn, 与雪山近距离接触,又看到了瑞士的象征Matterhorn。景色极美,可我冷得要命。

一晃8年过了,抗战都胜利了。物是人非,情随事迁。

今天是儿童节,就算比起去年,也都是物是人非,莫明其妙。

现在的人和事往往以超越我的常识、推理或直觉所能理解的方式存在或进行着,我感到迷惑。抓狂了,我就大喊“毛羊!”。这是一句神奇的咒语,暂时将我的脑子变成一片空白。有些迷惑,我不知如何用语言表达,那就放任自流。有些迷惑,也许尝试过搞清楚,但终于放弃了,因为觉得没意思了。但在一个夜色优美的晚上,骑着自行车,想起这一切,又有点小惆怅。

事实证明,我的判断力和想象力是很有限的。我首先不肯定自己到底在想什么,而事情又往往以我完全想不到的方式发生,所以我告诉自己什么也不构想才是正道。这容易给人一种错觉,好像我是个很不负责的人,对于一些貌似重要的事,我拱手交出控制权,交给“偶然”和“自然”,交给跟我无关的人。其实,我是先天不足,不是主观不努力。

另外,今天还突然想到,我也许是个被纠正了的左撇子,不然为什么骑车我总是喜欢左转弯,游泳总是从左边换气。所谓江山易改,本性难移。今晚心血来潮骑车思考的结论是,这个嘴硬心软的射手总是摆出一副满不在乎的腔调,继续暗暗纠结。