many faces many stories

been playing with Picasa 3 today, which scans my computer for pictures.  with face detection function turned on, it automatically finds faces in the photos, shows them all, and lets me tag them.  it is pretty smart – once i tag it with a name, picasa will most likely recognize the face going forward. it turns out an interesting experience.

well it not only scans for people i know, it captured many many passers-by whom i never paid attention to.  i am surprised it was able to find faces in shop window reflection too! looking at hundreds of faces with all kinds of expressions, beautiful or ugly, i feel like sitting in a bar or a McDonald’s people-watching.   it is a bit scary, though, to think that so many strangers are hiding in the corner of my hard drive.

since i have my primary school, middle school and college group photos in my computer, i am brought to see many kids and young people’s smiles.    we were so innocent, happy and young.  how some of us have changed!  --  maybe not, otherwise how come Picasa was able to guess the 10-year old girl was actually me? i thought i looked different.  computer algorithm must be focusing on something else beyond human subjective impression?

and this review of faces reminds me of people that i haven’t thought of for years, such as a teacher that left a dark shadow on my youthful memories (but i apparently grew out of it) and i guess i can forgive her now.  A couple of people have died.  it is weird to think that they no longer exists in this world. 

i went to see a photography exhibition at the art musuem and took a couple of pictures of Marc Rebound’s wroks that i found interesting.  Picasa also managed to find some faces from his pictures, including chairman mao, zhou enlai, and red guards in the Cultural Revolution.  to see their heads side by side with regular current people i know.  it is odd.

Picasa also found:  1. a few monkeys; 2. Jesus from churches; 3. buddhas or folklore gods in temples; 4. human face pattern in wall decoration; 5. models in street posters; 6. Obama on people’s t-shirt; 7. buddhas in tangka; 8. pottery figures in Xi’an museum; 9. artists like Green Day or Grasshoppers; 10. icehockey or rugby players 11. Hu jintao and Wen Jiabao (from a painting shop in shenzhen) – it is very interesting to see the faces of all of them with equal size side to side. 

Or even a little ironic.

我需要精神鸦片

搬家前整理东西的时候，妈妈问起某样东西是不是我的，我说不是。我停了一下，又说，其实这世界上什么东西都不是我的，我只是暂时用一下而已。她没有回答我。这么简单的问题，大概不该提升到哲学高度。

我猜，这种本人的存在只是暂时并表面的感觉，妨碍了我对生活的热情，妨碍了对自己的了解，妨碍了爱与痛的发生与持久。

过去几周被一些小事缠绕，到了周末终于可以算是解决大部分了。我们去喝酒了，喝了几杯，居然毫无醉意，这让我失望。我的酒量没有理由增加，一定是酒吧偷工减料，cocktail 酒精含量太低。本想稍稍抛弃那种冷静超然的感觉，用最世俗的醉醺醺来填补，结果我没有做到。

星期天又去了动物园，多动症的熊猫们和太像人的猩猩很有趣，我全情投入看得很高兴很感动。动物不像我，想法这么多，它们最简单最本能地活着。离开动物园，我又觉得很没劲，甚至更加没劲。我开始怀疑，动物园的回忆是真的嘛？！

最近兴趣的发生和活动还挺频繁，在那些瞬间，我还确实兴奋了一下；或者又碰到一些白痴的人或事，当时还颇有义愤。我就及时更新 Facebook, Twitter, MSN的状态。再过一会儿，我又觉得这一切都很无聊，再在状态栏上表明我的态度。这一切都如此琐碎，自己都懒得关注。我其实早就烦了自己，我是彻头彻尾的傻瓜。

这个嘛，大概就是Sartre说的 Nausea。存在多么荒谬多么愚蠢，特别是就其日复一日的机械性而言。我们最后都要灭亡的，何必这么折腾，为某事或某人上心？

但毛羊也是人，还是希望活得爽气一些。我不想要这么多无聊的反复，不想这样麻木地耗着，不想认真对待to-do list上的那些细节。我需要一点刺激，比如精神鸦片，很high地进入nirvana的状态。

如果我是男生

再说一遍，如果我是男生就好了。虽然若干哥们儿常说他们把我当男的，我也跟着一起骂骂咧咧；但假使我真的是男生的话 --

那么，搬家的时候，就省力多了。首先，我就不会有那么多衣服 （尽管平时还是会觉得缺，嘿嘿），不会有那么多瓶瓶罐罐（我算得不化妆的了，怎么还是有那么多瓶瓶罐罐呢），也不会有那么多毛茸茸的动物（包括我那作孽巴拉的小毛羊；男人里头只有Mr. Bean有个熊）。只有数码玩意儿的重量估计还是差不多，因为现在已经够多了。

当男生多好啊，弹起吉他可以迷人，摇滚起来又多么帅。我现在有意学吉他，但肯定永远不会那么有腔调，唉。真是先天不足。抽烟是坏习惯，但我觉得有些人在抽烟的时候沉醉在自己世界里，因而很羡慕。男生抽烟似乎比女生抽烟像样。女生抽，总觉得有点装。某些男生留长发穿耳洞，我觉得蛮好看的。可是女生要怎么样，才能足够另类又仍然好看呢？另外，当男生大概会皮再厚一点，假使对谁有crush就可以说出来，这样也很爽气。还有，我觉得男人间的兄弟义气，是世界上最美好的感情之一。我忍受不了某些女人的嗲声嗲气、做作姿态、浓妆艳抹、婆婆妈妈、斤斤计较、注重表面，但不晓得假使我变成了男生的话，看法是否会有所改变。

然后想起，今天是三八节。说这些话，多么（不）应景啊！有点遗憾，我现在说话怎么越来越没心没肺了呢？但比起某些政客的胡说八道，比起莫名其妙代表了我们的代表的避重就轻和某些弱智提案，这还真是字字珠玑。

End of the world

Took a look at the notes last year.  It was rainy and cold this time last year too.   Very gloomy.  

The sun came out briefly this afternoon, shining on the boxes all over the floor.    it looked so unfamiliar.  i haven’t seen sunshine in my room for so long.  (no, not during the time  in HK).   Yet the sunlight was pale, almost silver.  It looked like a sun at the end of the world.

It is hard to not feel that we are getting closer to the end of the world.  they have been talking about 2012.  I usually take such predictions as bullshit and i am not interested in that movie, either.  But now i am starting to get a little persuaded.

So many natural disasters recently.   And in our daily life, we simply find the weather getting more and more unusual.  There had been major climate change in the early times and the entire population and culture were gone until thousands of years later, human activities reappeared in that region and many geological layers above.  What makes things more dangerous now is that human beings have much more power to destroy Nature and thus expedite the self-destruction process.   Literally speaking, this is just one circle.  Human race should not in the first place expect to last forever.  But how unsettling it is to be caught in the middle of this ugly process often imposed by those in power doing it for their own short term pleasure?

The system is getting more and more blatantly corrupt.   I see human greed, hypocracy, cruelty and stupidity in full display.  Is this the world that many “martyrs” fought so hard and died for?  Harmony.  What Harmony?   How much should a dose of Confucius or patrotic brainwashing be effective to make people live in harmony with injustice?

Well i guess i have to be more positive and energetic.  i will keep my mind focused on what i am supposed to do.  but why does my mind constantly slip to a laid-back afternoon in the sunshine?  but in such gloomy weather, my mind is paralyzed.   If the end of the world is really just around the corner, what should i do now?

遭遇泼妇

今天中午和一人在电话上争论了30分钟，她做错了事不承认，还编造谎言来掩盖。但是水平又太差，在对话中前后都搭不上，然后更加恼羞成怒，开始中伤我，最后挂了我电话。

后来我同事惊讶地说，今天听到你发脾气了！唉，我也不想的，不想在办公室讲这种电话。真是讽刺，此泼妇偏偏是客户服务经理，她的态度是一切客户服务的反例。晚上回家居然收到她一张卡，上面的描述再一次编造了一个版本，恶心啊。

我本是希望找到他们神秘的领导，投诉一下的，虽然他们公司的人都誓死不愿透露半点消息。但想想又不值得我花更多的时间。换一家公司，不给他们生意做，其实是最凶的，别的以后再说。

本人物质上其实又没啥损失，我只是想伸张正义，拒绝混淆黑白。我还偏偏是吃软不吃硬的。

我跟人家说好的事，我一定做到。没有把握不肯定的事，我从来不承诺。我总是认为人家也是这样的，也养不成习惯去怀疑别人。最后发现，原来人群里面这么大的比例都擅长随口一说，之后彻底忘记矢口否认。

诚信始终是最基本的事，但在和钱有关的时候，很多人从来就不它当一回事儿。但是，在这样一个急功近利的社会，可能不适应的是我。关于今天的遭遇，也许是我大惊小怪了。

当然了，我也不要继续上心，因为一切事物皆无自性，这些全无所谓啦。其实，我想伸张正义的念头也是过于执着的表现。虽然我觉得如果最后都是讲道理的人因为懒得与不讲道理的人一般见识而放弃，这个社会岂不是要进一步堕落？按照佛的说法，那恶人有恶的想法与做法，下次就要投生于比人更加卑贱的存在继续无休无止地轮回。（我突然想，上次动物园里看到一个贪婪的老狒狒，光着红肿的屁股走来走去，丑得触目惊心，不知道是什么人变的！）。